


routine procedure

by andromedagalaxy



Series: Philkas College Verse [50]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-27 04:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedagalaxy/pseuds/andromedagalaxy
Summary: “I’m gonna answer it,” Lukas says, shooting Philip a look. “Pretend I’m your secretary.”“Oh God,” Philip laughs, pulling a shirt on as Lukas makes a beeline for his cell. “Don’t you lose me a client!”“I’m just gonna talk about your strengths and your perfect hair, you know, important things,” Lukas calls. Philip closes his eyes, shaking his head. “Oh hey, it’s Helen!” Lukas yells.“You got it?” Philip asks, pulling on his jeans, the material sticking to the dampness of his legs.“Yeah!”Philip was planning on calling her tonight after the movie, and he wonders what she’s got to tell him. He hangs the towel up and walks into the bedroom, hearing the tail-end of Lukas’s conversation with her.“Okay one second,” Lukas says, slowly, turning around with a strange look on his face. He holds his finger over the receiver.“What is it?” Philip asks, his heart beating a little faster.“Not sure, she’s…she sounds weird, she just asked to talk to you,” Lukas says.





	1. Chapter 1

Philip sighs happily, sliding his arms around Lukas’s middle. The shower spray cascades over the two of them and Lukas tugs him a little closer, Philip’s toes on top of his. 

“We need to wash the dog,” Lukas says.

Philip snorts. “She just got a bath two days ago.”

Lukas runs a hand through Philip’s hair. “She starts stinking like three hours after her bath,” he says. “She’s just a naturally stinky dog.”

Philip huffs and pulls back a little bit, looking up into Lukas’s eyes. “She shouldn’t! She’s a dainty little girl and she hardly breaks a sweat when we take her out.”

“How do you know that?” Lukas asks, starting to smile. “You been measuring her sweat levels like a weirdo?”

Philip pushes at him but Lukas laughs and pulls him closer again. Philip lays his head on Lukas’s shoulder and can hear Izzy growling at one of her toys outside the door. “No. But she shouldn’t stink. And if you gave her baths on the right schedule she’d smell how she should.”

“Oh, me?” Lukas says. “I’m suddenly the main dog-bath-giver?”

“She likes your baths better,” Philip says, placing a slippery kiss on Lukas’s collarbone. “She always shakes all over me and doesn’t let me wash her properly.”

Lukas laughs. “Those sound like excuses.”

“Nope,” Philip says, vaguely hearing his phone ringing in the other room. He listens harder. “Is that my phone?”

“Think so,” Lukas says. 

Philip sighs. He hopes it isn’t another job. He’s been so slammed lately, from online applications and people calling his number, and he figures he needs to get a go-phone or something so people aren’t blowing up his cell all the time. But he’s a little thrilled at how many people want to hire him, how much they love his work. The good word of mouth about his photos has been out of this world. He smiles, glancing up at Lukas.

“You think it’s someone else hiring you?” Lukas asks, his hand soothing back and forth on Philip’s waist.

“Maybe,” Philip says. 

“Can’t blame ‘em,” Lukas says. “Imagine hiring somebody and who’s talented _and_ hot? Fucking jackpot, right here.”

Philip pushes him a little bit again, grinning. “Let’s finish up in here and I’ll call whoever it is back.”

“Yes sir,” Lukas says, briefly kissing him on the cheek. “We still using this rose shampoo? Making ourselves smell like a literal greenhouse?”

Philip shrugs, watching as Lukas bends to pick up the bottle.

“Can’t be wasteful,” Philip says.

~

His phone rings again when they’re drying themselves off and Lukas clicks his tongue. 

“I’m gonna answer it,” Lukas says, shooting Philip a look. “Pretend I’m your secretary.”

“Oh God,” Philip laughs, pulling a shirt on as Lukas makes a beeline for his cell. “Don’t you lose me a client!”

“I’m just gonna talk about your strengths and your perfect hair, you know, important things,” Lukas calls. Philip closes his eyes, shaking his head. “Oh hey, it’s Helen!” Lukas yells. 

“You got it?” Philip asks, pulling on his jeans, the material sticking to the dampness of his legs. 

“Yeah!”

Philip was planning on calling her tonight after the movie, and he wonders what she’s got to tell him. He hangs the towel up and walks into the bedroom, hearing the tail-end of Lukas’s conversation with her.

“Okay one second,” Lukas says, slowly, turning around with a strange look on his face. He holds his finger over the receiver. 

“What is it?” Philip asks, his heart beating a little faster. 

“Not sure, she’s…she sounds weird, she just asked to talk to you,” Lukas says. 

Philip takes the phone, his throat going tight. “Hello?” he says.

“Hey kid,” Helen says, and her voice is shaking a little bit. “Uh, Gabe—we’re in the hospital, Gabe—well—”

Philip is definitely panicking now and he’s got one arm wrapped around his middle, nails digging into the material of his shirt. Lukas steps closer, an anchoring hand on his elbow. “What is it?” Philip asks, scared to hear the answer. 

“He’s fine,” Helen says, quick. “He just had a little weird pain, couldn’t eat, so we went to emergency care and they figured that he needed his appendix taken out. So that’s, uh—”

Philip’s eyes dart around. “His appendix?”

“Yes,” Helen says. “He’s—he’s in surgery now. It all happened really fast, I’m sorry it took me so long to call. Uh, it’s gonna be fine. It’s very routine, Tony had his appendix taken out a year after I met him, so—it’s fine. But it’d be nice, better even if you two could come—uh, I know you have class—”

“Lukas,” Philip says without thinking, his voice going a little shrill when he looks up. “Gabe is having his appendix taken out, could we—”

“Of course we can go home,” Lukas says, fast, not missing a beat.

Philip’s stomach dips. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Lukas says, nodding. “I’ll message my teachers right now and contact the car rental place.”

Philip reaches down and squeezes Lukas’s wrist in silent thanks. “Okay,” he says into the phone. “We’re gonna get there as soon as we can.” 

Lukas walks over to the bed, sitting down and opening up his laptop. 

“You sure?” Helen asks. “I don’t want to—”

“I’m sure,” Philip says, and panic rings loud in his ears but he tries to stay level. “We’ll get there later tonight, probably…” He trails off, watching Lukas nod. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” Helen says. “I just know it’ll bring up his spirits to see you guys, you can bring Izzy, leave her with Bo and Sarah…by the time you get here everything should be good, we’ll have a room number and you can head over.”

“Okay,” Philip says, though his mouth is dry and he can feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. “Okay, it’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna—do you want us to bring anything?”

“Just yourselves,” Helen says. “Thank you, sweetheart. Hopefully we won’t keep you away for too long.”

“Don’t worry,” Philip says. He’s said that phrase so many times in his life, so many times to his mother that it takes him back for a moment, to a different time, a strain in his heart and fear all over him. But he had to bury it all deep, put on a brave face, because their lives mattered more than his feelings. “Don’t worry,” he says again, feeling dizzy, and it’s like Lukas senses it because he looks up from his computer with concern in his eyes. 

“You either,” Helen says. “You sure you’re okay to come? Seriously, I don’t wanna force you, I shouldn’t have said it so fast, I was just thinking—”

“No, no—I’m sure, we’re—we’re sure,” Philip says. “I’ll let you know when we’re on our way.”

“Okay kid,” she says. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Philip says. “Tell him we love him when he wakes up.”

“Will do,” Helen says. 

They both hang up and Philip just stands there for a second. He wets his lips over and over and he’s having trouble focusing. Nothing ever happens to Gabe. Gabe always seems so solid. Philip tries to tell himself this is just his appendix. He’ll be fine. 

But it’s surgery. Lukas went into a coma after surgery.

“Hey,” Lukas says. 

Philip looks at him sitting there, Izzy by his feet chewing on her ice cream toy, without a care in the world.

“Uh,” Philip finds himself saying, “you think it’ll be okay with class? Did you—did you e-mail them?”

“I e-mailed Monday through Wednesday just in case, told them I had an emergency because my father-in-law is in the hospital. It’ll be fine, don’t even worry about that.”

The words ‘father-in-law’ ground him and Philip absentmindedly starts twisting his engagement ring on his finger. He walks over and sits next to Lukas, bumping their knees together. 

“She sounded worried,” Philip says.

Lukas leans in and kisses Philip’s shoulder. “I mean, of course she is. I get worried when you get a fucking hangnail. That’s love, baby.”

Philip snorts, leaning into him. 

“Hey, I don’t think I ever told you this but I had my appendix taken out when I was like, six,” Lukas says.

Philip narrows his eyes at him. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Lukas says. “I don’t remember it at all but Dad reminded me back when I was in the hospital.” He clears his throat. They’ve still been having a hard time with the Ryan memories lately. Lukas hasn’t agreed to therapy yet, but he hasn’t gone to beat the shit out of Dour either, so Philip figures he’ll take it for now. But he knows Lukas’s feelings are still simmering under the surface, and Philip wants to make sure they’re addressed. He knows he isn’t really over it all yet either, not by a long shot, but Lukas’s pain is flaring up because of the Dour shit. Philip hates it. He wants to help him. He wants to fix everything, everyone.

He sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Can we even get a rental car on short notice like this?”

Lukas starts massaging his shoulder, rubbing his hand up and down Philip’s neck. “Of course we can,” he says. 

“One of us needs to like, own one,” Philip says.

“Or maybe we just get that side-car for the bike and Izzy can travel in there.”

Philip splutters, covering his face. He can feel Izzy’s tail thumping on his feet. His worry abates for a minute and he turns to Lukas, cupping his face, admiring him for a moment before he kisses him. Lukas looks at him a little dreamily when they pull apart, and Philp kisses him again. 

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

Philip caresses Lukas’s cheek, highly aware of the ring on his finger again. “Just—dropping everything, adapting so well—”

Lukas shakes his head. “Gabe’s family. They both are. And you, well,” he laughs a little bit and makes a face like he’s gonna say something stupid, but a soft smile sneaks onto his face instead. “You. You’re everything. You know I’d do anything for you.”

Philip is fucking floored by him. He leans in and kisses him again, deeper this time, feeling Lukas’s arm wind around his waist. He sighs into Lukas’s mouth and then nuzzles against his cheek. 

“He’s gonna be fine, babe,” Lukas says. “It’s just his appendix. It’s perfectly normal. It’s gonna be fine.”

Philip nods.

It’s just his appendix. 

Nothing is gonna happen to Gabe.

He’s gonna be fine.

He’s gonna be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

Philip stares out the window on the journey to Tivoli and feels like he’s working himself up. Hospitals already make him nervous because of everything that happened with Lukas, everything that happened after Ryan was killed, and he knows that’s affecting the way he thinks about this. He’s trying not to panic. He knows that’s the last thing Helen needs to see. 

He feels Lukas reach over and start massaging his shoulder. There’s only the stretch of road ahead of them, the single red Honda they’d been contending with a while back so far ahead of them now that they can’t see it anymore.

“Got like half an hour,” Lukas says. “Gonna swing by mine real quick, leave Iz with Dad, then we’ll head straight to the hospital.”

Philip looks down at his phone.

“She said anything yet?” Lukas asks, clearly tracking Philip’s every move.

“No,” Philip says, trying to hide his dejection over that fact even though he knows Lukas can probably sense it anyway. He sighs, reaching up and taking Lukas’s hand, holding it in his lap. “It’s just his appendix.”

“Exactly,” Lukas says, squeezing his hand.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Philip says, eyes intent on Lukas. 

“He’s gonna be absolutely fine,” Lukas says. 

Izzy lets out a rumbling snore from the backseat that sounds like an affirmation, and Philip smiles a little bit, glancing back at her. 

“Let me know if you need your hand back,” Philip says, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing Lukas’s knuckles. 

“You can have it,” Lukas says. “You know all of this belongs to you.” His eyes trace down over his own body briefly and then he raises his eyebrows, smiling a little bit.

Philip holds Lukas’s hand tight, taking comfort in the deeply familiar thing between them. “My favorite thing,” he mutters, a little bit to Lukas and mostly to himself. “You.”

Lukas rubs his thumb along Philip’s skin. 

~

They don’t spend much time with Bo and Sarah because almost as soon as they get there Philip gets a text from Helen, very brief, saying Gabe is out of surgery. He gets put in a room when they’re driving over to the hospital. Once they’re on the third floor and heading to see him Philip holds tight to Lukas’s hand, his head going dizzy.

He clears his throat as they’re walking and Lukas looks back at him, stopping in the middle of the hallway for a second.

“You okay?” Lukas asks.

Philip nods, but all of it is giving him a bad feeling. He feels like he’s trained himself to expect the worst, has only recently started breaking himself of it. He swallows hard, Lukas’s eyes still on him, and he nods again. They keep walking and Philip tries to chill out as they approach room 310, Gabe’s room. Lukas knocks, giving Philip another worried look.

“Come in,” Helen’s voice says, from inside. 

Philip lets Lukas lead him inside even though he knows he should be the one leading. He’s sorta terrified to see Gabe like this. 

It’s pretty dark inside and Philip’s eyes immediately go straight to the bed, which doesn’t assuage his fears at all, even though he’d been hoping it would. Gabe is in the hospital gown, his face pale and his eyes closed. It hits Philip hard, like a punch to the gut, instantly reminding him of Lukas in the coma. His mom dead a day later. The worst time of his life.

Gabe opens his eyes as they close the door and a small smile appears on his face. “Hi boys,” he says.

“Come on in,” Helen says, from beside him, closest to the window. “Don’t just stand there.”

Her voice sounds pinched and Philip recognizes the tone, though he knows it’s more than mild irritation now. It makes him worry even more, like even though the surgery is done and Gabe is here that something is still wrong. 

“It’s okay, babe,” Gabe says, slowly looking at her. “We know hospitals suck, right guys?”

Philip knows Helen knows too. He swallows hard, worried about everything that’s in the air here, and he disentangles his hand from Lukas’s and approaches the bed, sitting down in the chair there. “How are you?” he asks, his voice going a little high. “How’re you feeling?”

“Oh, just fine,” Gabe says, managing a smile, but Philip can tell there’s a strain behind it. “It’s nice to see you two, just wish it was under different circumstances.”

“Gabe, you should have just told us you wanted us to visit,” Lukas says, going for levity as he hovers behind Philip, hand on his shoulder. 

“Guess I wanted to try out your flair for the dramatic,” Gabe says, smiling at him.

Philip snorts as Lukas scoffs, tapping his hand on the back of Philip’s chair. “Alright, sharp as ever,” Lukas says. 

“We’re a little bit off,” Helen says, her chair making a little squealing noise as she scoots closer to the bed. “Though he won’t admit it.”

“I didn’t expect to feel amazing after surgery,” Gabe says. His voice is raspy and he sounds tired.

Philip’s heart is beating really loud in his ears. 

“You think things are abnormal?” Lukas asks, directing the question at Helen. Philip looks at the IV in Gabe’s arm, the paleness of his skin. He’s sweating and he looks a little out of it. Philip had looked online how the patient would be after an appendectomy and this wasn’t what he was expecting, even though he was worried about something like this. Everything feels off, and he’s even more convinced of it because Helen clearly feels the same way. He wonders if they’re both just being overly clingy, terrified because of their past experiences, their way of seeing the world.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Gabe says, but he sounds weak. Philip chews on his lower lip. 

“Philip,” Helen says, meeting his eyes. “Can you come outside with me for two minutes?”

“We’re keeping secrets now?” Gabe asks, coughing a little bit.

“Just wanna talk to my kid,” Helen says, getting out of her seat. “I’m well aware he’ll tell Lukas everything later on anyway.”

Philip swallows hard and reaches out, squeezing Gabe’s wrist before getting up too. He briefly catches Lukas’s eye as he moves around the chair, grazes his arm with his fingertips before following Helen out of the room.

She’s stands there in the hallway and Philip has never thought she looked small before, but she does now. She’s got her arms wrapped around herself and she glances at the door, her eyes a little wild. “I don’t think things went right,” she says.

“How come?” Philip asks. 

“Well maybe they did but I—I just don’t know, I feel strange.”

“Well, why?” Philip asks, shifting a little from foot to foot. 

“I just know him,” she says, shaking her head. “I’ve seen him in pain before, I’ve seen him recovering, normal and just—there’s something else wrong. I know it. Something they didn’t catch, something that stemmed from the procedure—I don’t know.”

Philip feels like he’s right on the edge of a panic attack but he has to stay strong for her, level-headed. “Has he said something?”

She shakes her head again. “I’m sure he just wants to get out of here, start recovering at home, but I just—I looked up this whole thing when it was happening and possible complications and I’m just—I’m just worried there were complications and we don’t know yet. Things can happen, easily.”

“You’re just basing this off how he’s acting?” Philip asks, trying to keep his voice from wavering. 

A couple nurses walk by them and Helen steps a little closer to him. “You think I’m being paranoid?” She doesn’t sound mean or accusatory. She almost sounds nervous. 

“No,” Philip says, fast, because he knows he’s freaking out too, that Gabe doesn’t look good, and if it was Lukas he’d be assuming the worst until things were absolutely perfect again. Fuck, that’s—that’s what he did. After the coma, after the kidnapping, after the hospital stay. He remembers the day when he’d finally been distracted enough from his fears about Lukas’s wellbeing for a solid twelve hours—it was July fourth, which Lukas had used as a day to take Philip around town, getting burgers and hot dogs and ice cream before they watched the fireworks in the park. 

It had taken that long. 

Philip can imagine what Helen is feeling. He knows her relationship with Gabe is deep, all encompassing, and he isn’t the type of man to get sick often. Philip has heard about the great flu two months after they were married and how Helen dealt back then. This is ten times worse. 

“No,” Philip says again. “But maybe we should just—give it some time, see what the doctors say and then we can come to conclusions.”

She nods, wetting her lips. “He did just get out of surgery. I keep trying to remind myself of that but it just—I don’t know.” She shakes her head again and Philip hates seeing her like this.

“You have a feeling,” Philip says. 

“Yeah,” Helen says, her voice hitching. 

“I get it,” Philip says, his throat tight. He knows what that kind of love feels like. How they nearly read each other’s minds. How they can touch the curve of each other’s feelings in the air, can get all of it with one look even if the other is trying to hide behind a mask. He never could have even imagined what soulmates felt like before he met his own—and it strikes him then, the threads of connection here between the hallway and the hospital room, two sets of soulmates and the small family they’d made together. It’s steel, strong, and fuck, Philip understands her worries. He loves Gabe. Gabe is the father he never had. But seeing it from her point of view—the love of her life, the person who makes every day brighter—if he ever lost Lukas, he knows he wouldn’t be able to go on without him.

“It’s just…it’s Gabe,” Helen says. “I just—I don’t know. I didn’t expect it to be sunshine and rainbows when he had his damn appendix pulled out of his body but—I’m probably just overreacting. Worrying. Just—not used to anything happening to him and I guess I’m—falling into that trap of expecting the worst.”

“Can’t blame you,” Philip says, worry straining behind his own eyes.

She smiles a little sadly and reaches out, cupping his cheek. “Thank you for coming, sweetheart,” she says. “Hopefully we get him home fast, I know you two have class. You probably can’t miss too many days.”

“Mine’s mostly online and not til the end of the week,” Philip says. “Lukas called in—anyways, we’ll—we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

She nods at him, tugging him into a hug. He buries his face in her shoulder and prays it’s all gonna be fine. It’s just his appendix. 

It’s gotta be fine. It just has to be.

~

“When did he fall asleep?” Philip asks, in the car with Lukas half an hour later.

“Pretty fast,” Lukas says, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. “We talked a little bit, he said Helen was worried but he didn’t want you to be.”

“Did he say how he felt?” Philip asks, and he doesn’t want to sound like he’s interrogating him but he sorta feels like he is.

Lukas shifts his lips to the side. “He didn’t feel good—”

“Did he say that?” Philip asks, his heart hammering against his ribcage. 

“Not exactly,” Lukas says. “It’s just—I don’t know. It’s hard to gauge it. I remember what it felt like when I woke up. You remember me?”

“Yeah,” Philip says, slowly. He tries not to think about those times but it’s been coming up more and more lately with everything that’s going on, potential therapy for Lukas and now all this with Gabe. Philip feels like his head is spinning.

“It’s hard to measure it, for real, like, how somebody is gonna look or feel or whatever after going through a surgery,” Lukas says. “I think we just need to like—maybe chill a little bit. I know it’s shitty and it makes us all worry but tomorrow we should have a better idea of what’s—what’s going on.”

“That’s pretty much what I said to her but I was just trying to make her feel better,” Philip says. 

Lukas shrugs. “It makes sense, though.”

Philip nods. He doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t want to wait, doesn’t like how this makes him feel. His stomach is twisting and that old feeling of being utterly trapped in his helplessness is sinking into his bones.

“It’ll be okay,” Lukas says, in that tone that he knows soothes Philip’s soul. 

Philip chews on his lower lip and isn’t convinced. They pull into the driveway of Lukas’s place, and Philip kinda hates calling it that in his head because it’s really Bo’s place, not Lukas’s. They have an apartment together now. They live together, they’re getting married. Philip can’t let himself fall into the past because his anxiety is trying to choke him to death. 

Lukas turns the car off and shifts a little bit so he’s looking at Philip. “Want me to do the thing?” 

Philip brightens up a little bit. “Yes,” he says, probably too fast. But he’s desperate.

They shift more in their seats and square up facing each other, and Philip closes his eyes. He feels Lukas reach out, putting his fingers on Philip’s temples. He begins massaging gently, starting up the accompanying humming they’d came up with in a fit of laughter two weeks ago. 

“Cheer up sleepy jean,” Lukas sing-whispers, still massaging, “oh what can it mean—to a daydream believer and a—homecoming queen….” He leans in, pressing his lips to both of Philip’s cheeks, then the tip of his nose, then his mouth. Once, twice, and again, and then he stops, sliding his hands down Philip’s face, thumbs over his eyelids. 

“Better?” Lukas asks.

They'd come up with it for panic attacks, when Philip was getting a little overwhelmed looking at the details of his case against Dour. Lukas had heard the song on a commercial earlier in the day and it just came out, a soundtrack to his soothing massaging and touching, and it’s turned into a sort-of ritual they trade back and forth, same hand motions, each trying to mimic the other. Philip loves it.

“Yes,” Philip says, nuzzling their noses together. “Thank you.”

“Of course, babycakes,” Lukas says, giving him another brief kiss before pulling back again. 

~

It still feels a little funny sleeping in Lukas’s bed here, considering how much things have changed since they used to do it every other night. They usually stay with Helen and Gabe, considering Lukas is still pretty awkward around Sarah and his dad when they’re together. He’s slowly getting better. Slowly being the key word.

Izzy is down at the foot of the bed, laying on her back and snoring away like she usually does. Philip had left his phone off silent all night just in case Helen called, but he’s yet to get any kind of call or message. 

He watches Lukas sleep, knows he’s on the edges of a dream and close to waking, his eyelids fluttering. The fan fills the room with white noise and Philip thinks about his conversation with Helen yesterday. Her weird feeling about Gabe—Philip knows he’s gotten feelings like that about Lukas before with hardly any warning, just like a texture in the air or Lukas moving a little differently. 

It sure is something, the connection between certain people. He wishes it was explainable, put down in some kind of scientific quadratic formula he wouldn’t understand anyway if he saw it, but it might make more sense knowing it’s there.

“Thinking too hard,” Lukas mumbles. 

A small smile spreads across Philip’s face. “Maybe,” he says.

“’bout what?” Lukas asks, eyes still closed.

“Do you, uh—believe in magic?” It’s not really what he wants to say, but it’s what his mind narrows it down to in the moment.

Lukas’s eyes slowly open. “Magic?” he asks.

Philip shrugs a little bit. 

“You mean like—between us?” Lukas asks.

Magic. “Yeah,” Philip says. “Like—people—soulmates.” He blushes when he says the word. “Stuff between them.”

“Kinda like Helen’s feeling, right?” Lukas asks. “With Gabe?”

“You think people involved like we are can like—sense that kinda shit?” Philip asks. “Like we’re so in tune with each other that we’re like—”

“On the same wavelength?” Lukas asks, raising an eyebrow.

On one hand it almost confirms Philip’s crack theory and on the other it makes him feel a little embarrassed at how stupid he must sound. 

“Yeah,” Lukas says, before Philip can say another word. He blinks a couple times, drawing Philip closer by pressing a hand to his lower back. “I think it’s a mix of you’re together so often with the person you love that you sorta subconsciously memorize everything about them and like—cosmic shit. Soulmates are soulmates, we’re dragged together because we’re meant to be together, and that’s the universe working right there. Magic.”

Philip finds himself smiling hard. He loves when Lukas gets like this. 

“Like that whole shit with Dour,” Lukas says, spitting out the word like it’s toxic in his mouth. “Even not being with you, even with you trying to hide it from me—I knew something was off, I could tell. I just—I could feel it, and I know you.”

Philip touches Lukas’s face, nodding. “I know, I—I’m the same way with you. And that’s exactly why I believe her.”

Lukas shifts his lips a little bit, eyes briefly glancing down to where Izzy is moving around, trying not to fall off the end of the bed. “Yeah,” he says. “Hopefully the doctors are keeping an eye on shit. You’d think they’d know if there were any complications.”

“Yeah,” Philip says. “You’d think.”

~

They have breakfast with Bo and Sarah, which mostly consists of Sarah feeding Izzy bacon under the table and monopolizing all of her attention. Bo seems concerned about Gabe, overly so, but makes no move to try and visit the hospital. It confuses Philip for a little bit, knowing how close Bo and Gabe have gotten lately, until he really thinks about it. Then he realizes that between Lukas’s mom and Lukas himself, Bo probably has his own perfectly understandable dislike of hospitals. 

When they’re five minutes down the road Philip’s phone starts ringing, Helen’s picture flashing on the screen. His heart lurches and he picks it up fast as he can.

“Hello?”

“He has a fever but they’re just giving him goddamn Advil and acting like they’re gonna let him go tomorrow,” Helen says. “I think these people are being goddamn negligent.”

“What does he say?” Philip asks, rubbing his hand over his chest, trying to calm his heart.

“He’s admitting he doesn’t feel the best,” Helen says, and that worries Philip the most. “I think they’re getting like this because the insurance might not cover a longer stay.”

“Jesus Christ,” Philip says. 

“I don’t even care about that, we’ll deal with it,” Helen says. “I don’t want them forcing him out if he’s not ready to go, and the fact that he’s admitting he’s not ready to leave really means he’s not ready. I still think something else is going on but they’re not even looking into it. Just acting as if this is how it is, like it’s normal.”

Philip swallows hard. “We’re on our way right now.”

“Okay,” Helen sighs. “See you soon.”

They hang up a moment later and Philip stares straight ahead, holding his phone tight. 

“What’s going on?” Lukas asks, tentatively.

“Nothing good,” Philip says. 

~

When they get up into the room and open the door both Helen and Gabe are standing there, struggling to make it over to the bathroom. Lukas quickly moves to Gabe’s other side, wrapping his arm around his neck before any words are exchanged. Philip shuts the door, his heart in his throat, and he feels like he can’t breathe. This isn’t the scene he was expecting.

Gabe is even paler than before, but he manages a smile for Philip. “So Helen just screamed at a nurse,” he says. 

“Really?” Philip asks, raising his eyebrows at her.

The three of them take a few uncertain steps. 

“I wouldn’t say screamed,” Helen says.

“It was close to screaming,” Gabe says, and he grimaces.

“He’s supposed to be able to be up and around twelve hours after the surgery,” Helen says. “Does this look like up and around? He can barely walk. Everything that’s going on isn’t right, they’re not doing their jobs.”

“You think something else is happening?” Lukas asks Gabe, as they slowly maneuver towards the bathroom.

“Unfortunately, I think so,” Gabe says, clearly his throat. “It, uh, well—”

“He’s having trouble going to the bathroom,” Helen says. “Meaning it’s impossible—”

“Alright,” Gabe says, laughing a little bit. “They don’t need—”

“What?” Helen asks. “They’re family.”

Gabe sighs, shaking his head. 

“Feels woozy too,” Helen says. “Fatigued, lots of tenderness and pain in his abdomen.” 

“Thinking it might not just be the aftermath of the surgery,” Gabe says.

Philip doesn’t know what the hell to say. He wants this resolved like yesterday. He needs Gabe to be better. He snaps himself out of his head and rushes over when they get close to the door. He opens it fast, watching Helen nod at Lukas.

“Okay, I’ve got him,” Helen says.

“You sure?”

“Yeah—”

“I’m sorry, boys,” Gabe says, giving Philip a sad look over his shoulder.

“No,” Philip says, fast. “No, no, it’s fine.”

“One second,” Helen says, maneuvering around and closing the door behind them. 

It feels strangely silent, the air heavy and thick all around them. Lukas heaves a sigh and walks over to Philip, brushing his hair out of his face. Philip leans into his hand, closing his eyes. 

“We should all raise hell,” Lukas says, his other hand on Philip’s hip. “Then they’ll have to do something.”

“Or they’ll have us arrested,” Philip says. 

“Yeah right,” Lukas says. “Helen’s a sheriff. She’ll arrest them fir—”

They both turn around when they hear Gabe throwing up. Philip’s heart lurches again and he hears Helen murmuring to him, and the sound of it almost makes him feel like he’s gonna start crying. He can’t imagine anything permanent happening to Gabe. It would fucking destroy Helen, which would destroy him. 

They’re his parents.

Lukas leans in, kissing Philip’s forehead. “I love you,” he whispers. 

“Love you too,” Philip mutters, his voice breaking.

The bathroom door opens but they don’t come out, everything silent for a couple seconds. There’s a high pitched sound in Philip’s ears—he and Lukas walk over, see them standing there in the brightness of the bathroom, Helen with a firm grip on Gabe’s waist.

“What’s wrong?” Philip asks, his hand on the door handle, pulling it open a little wider. He feels Lukas walk up behind him. His chest is going tight and he bites down hard on his lower lip.

Gabe is sweating, breathing hard and leaning on Helen heavily. 

“Gabe,” Helen says, her eyes intent and focused on him. “Gabe, can you—”

He’s trembling, blinking slowly, looking like he wants to say something. And then he drops, crumpling in her arms. The high pitched sound in Philip’s ears reaches its peak and he can’t hear anything, the hair on his arms standing up as both he and Lukas move in without thinking, trying to help Helen ease Gabe to the floor. Both Helen and Lukas are saying Gabe’s name, trying to talk to him, but Philip can’t hear anything, can’t see, his vision blurry with tears. Gabe is limp, his eyes closed and Philip can’t breathe, can only fear the worst, the worst that’s been clawing at his heels his whole goddamn life. 

Now it’s Gabe.


	3. Chapter 3

Lukas hates these doctors. He hates this hospital, especially considering it’s the same goddamn one he was in before. He wasn’t sure if he agreed with Helen’s negligence claims, but after seeing Gabe drop like that, after seeing their reactions, he’s been made into a goddamn believer. He doesn’t like to think of what could have happened to him when he was laid up here, with these people in charge. 

They haven’t said shit since they told them they were bringing Gabe in for an emergency surgery to deal with an infection and possible blocked bowels. Helen had raged for a while, in the empty hospital room, about the enormity of their fuck-up. Lukas has no idea if these things happened because of the initial surgery or because of the appendicitis itself, but he knows for sure that these idiots should have realized it to begin with, and even more so once Gabe and Helen informed them he was in pain.

Lukas is so mad he could scream. He hates seeing that look in Philip’s eyes, that look that means he’s trying to prepare himself for the worst. He’s faced it so many times it’s like he expects it, and Lukas hates that these stupid doctors have put him in that position again. He just wants to kiss Philip, soothe that worry line between his brows, hold him until the tenseness falls away.

They eventually vacated the room when Lukas suggested snacks, and found out there was a semi-private waiting lounge on their floor. There were couches and vending machines and after about an hour of small talk, angry rants about the hospital and clear avoidance of the seriousness of the situation, Lukas encourages Philip to try and take a nap. He protests for a bit, but Lukas assures him he’ll wake him up as soon as they hear anything, and Helen does the same. Finally, he relents, and Lukas covers him with his jacket.

Lukas sits across from him and just kinda watches, for a while. He knows nightmares might be on the horizon. But Philip’s expression is calm, exactly how Lukas likes it. 

“This machine isn’t cooperating,” Helen says, from over in the corner. 

Lukas looks over his shoulder. “What’s it doing?” 

“Rejecting my dollar,” Helen says. 

Lukas gets up, pulling his pants up by the belt loops as he heads over to her. She hands him the dollar and it’s crumpled, like it’s been in her pocket for a while. He straightens it out and smooths it over his knee a couple times, trying to get rid of the creases as best he can. He runs his pointer finger back and forth across it a couple times and prays to whoever is listening that he doesn’t make a fool of himself here. He lines the bill up with the slot and holds his breath as it goes in. And thankfully, it doesn’t come back out.

He grins at Helen, happy for a few brief seconds. “Make your choice, Miss,” he says, nodding at her.

She raises an eyebrow at him. “Miss, huh?”

He keeps grinning. 

“Anything you want to share?” she asks. “Or that Philip might like when he wakes up?”

Lukas looks over the options. “Oh, he’s obsessed with those apple chips. But you don’t have to get any—I think I have some dollars—”

“Don’t worry about it,” Helen says, punching F4 for the apple chips just as Lukas is patting his pockets. The bag falls and she bends to fish it out, making sure the door doesn’t slam closed. Philip makes a little noise from across the room and they both look over at him.

“He’s precious when he sleeps, isn’t he?” Helen asks, nudging Lukas a little bit as to lead him back over to their own couch. 

Lukas thinks Philip is precious all the time. “Yeah,” he says, as they maneuver around the pair of chairs and sit down again. 

“Back after everything was settling, on the days when he wasn’t sleeping at your place or you were over at ours, he usually fell asleep in the living room when things weren’t their easiest,” Helen says.

Lukas vaguely remembers Philip mentioning this. 

“Sometimes I’d just sit there and stare at him,” Helen says, still holding the bag of apple chips in her lap. She meets Lukas’s eyes. “You know, in the beginning I wasn’t sure, like—how it would be, fostering Philip. He was on the edge of adulthood, definitely his own person already, he’d been through things—I didn’t know if we’d clash, if things wouldn’t work out….but those nights, when I was sitting there watching him and realizing I’d almost lost him…well, I couldn’t have been farther away from the doubts I felt early on. I would just stare at him and realize—that’s my kid.”

The tears sting Lukas’s eyes and he tries to wipe at them without her seeing.

“I think he, uh…gave me a new perspective,” Helen says. “Made me realize I was capable of a different kind of love that I didn’t know I could be.”

“I definitely understand that,” Lukas says, his heart swelling. He’s pretty much memorized Philip’s sleeping face, and he started doing it back in the hospital, when he was obsessing over Philip’s heartbeat. He likes to see him serene, without worry, his delicate eyelashes fanning over his cheeks. 

“I know he changed you too,” Helen says. 

“Uh, yeah,” Lukas says, clearing his throat. “Understatement.”

She hands him the bag of apple chips and he laughs a little bit. He doesn’t open them yet. “I didn’t think I could ever be anything,” Lukas says. “At least anything I saw as…important. But he, uh—he looked at me like I was something. And he kept doing that even after he got to know me, which was that much more shocking.”

Helen laughs a little bit, a small smile on her face. 

“But he, uh—like you said, he opens up your world,” Lukas says, nodding and looking over at him again. “He’s got so much love in his heart despite everything he’s been through and it’s just—having him love you…it makes you a better person. It’s made me feel like I’m—I’m capable of anything because he thinks I am. Fuck.” He dips his head into his hands and covers his face. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

There’s quiet for a couple moments. Then he feels Helen’s hand on his back. 

“I’m so happy he’s in our lives,” Helen says, her hand moving in soothing circles. “Best decision I ever made.”

Lukas knows he wouldn’t have much of a life if he didn’t have Philip. Philip is his life.

“I’m so sorry,” he says again, his voice muffled against his palms. But he’s apologizing for something different this time, not just for crying when he didn’t want to. “I’m so, so sorry this is happening to Gabe.”

Helen sighs, still rubbing his back. “I just have to keep telling myself that nothing is gonna happen,” she says. “I mean, it’s strange but I sort of…feel better now that they’ve got him back in surgery? Like they’re actually taking care of whatever it was. Which is what he—what he needed.”

Lukas looks up at her, and knows his face is streaked with tears. “You think it’s—you think it’s their fault?” he asks. “Some kind of—issue with the appendectomy, resulting from it or whatever?”

She shakes her head. “Maybe. I don’t know. Just—as long as it gets resolved, that’s all that matters to me.”

Lukas looks back at Philip again. He knows Philip has had to sit by Lukas’s hospital bed in uncertain repose and he doesn’t think he’s capable of being as calm as he was then or as Helen is now. Just the thought makes him want to rage, and he feels lightheaded. Thinking of something being wrong with Philip is the worst thing. The most impossible, horrible thing. He hates thinking about it.

“I’m happy you two are together,” Helen says. “I know I’ve said it before, but—I’m just glad it wound up the way it did. You’re so, so good together. You make him so happy. He told me before he never thought he’d find anyone but now he’s just—he’s so happy he has you.”

Lukas glances at her, his lips in a firm line because all his emotions are threatening to spill over. He nods once, his throat so tight he can barely catch his breath, and then he coughs, blinking away his tears. “Uh,” he says, his voice thick and unfamiliar, “uh—one—one second.”

He gets to his feet fast and nearly trips over the carpet and the coffee table trying to get to Philip. He plants his knees on the ground and kneels right next to the couch, brushing his hand over Philip’s cheek and through his hair. He leans in, pressing a long kiss to his cheek, and he can feel another tear roll down his nose and onto Philip’s skin. Philip stirs a little bit, turning into Lukas’s hand in what looks like instinct, making a little tired noise.

“Don’t worry, baby,” Lukas whispers, realizing that Philip may think there’s news because he’s waking him up. “We don’t—we don’t know anything yet—”

“You okay?” Philip asks, voice raspy as he sits up a little bit, blinking. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Lukas says, nodding. “Lay down, it’s—it’s fine, I just—I just—” He doesn’t know what he was just—the need to come over and kiss him, touch him, hear his voice felt overwhelming and he couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t make sense of it, just had to do it.

Lukas kisses him again, and instead of laying down Philip sits up a little further, cupping Lukas’s cheek. He presses their foreheads together when the kiss breaks. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Philip asks, bracing one arm on the couch.

His concern makes the tears crop back up again and Lukas nods. “Helen and I—we were just talking and I—I just needed to touch you.”

Philip smiles a little bit and he’s the most beautiful damn thing Lukas has ever seen. 

“Come on up here,” Philip says. “Lemme lay my head in your lap.”

Lukas chuckles, nodding and kissing Philip’s cheek before creaking to his feet. Philip lifts up a little bit and Lukas sits, letting Philip get comfortable in his lap.

“You too,” Philip says, and when Lukas looks down he sees him gesturing with his chin. 

“You want me over there?” Helen asks, raising her eyebrows. 

“Yup,” Philip says. 

“I guess it’s cuddle Philip time,” Lukas says, brushing Philip’s hair back from his forehead. 

“Is it ever not that time for you?” Philip asks, smirking.

“Guess not,” Lukas says, gazing down at him. 

Helen clicks her tongue and gets up, walking over with the apple chips in hand. She tosses them onto Philip’s stomach and then she picks up his feet, sitting down and settling them in her lap. Lukas knows it’s a familiar position for them, and he’s often walked into the Caldwell living room to find them stretched out on the couch that way, watching TV. 

Philip takes a chip and pops it into his mouth. That faraway look rises in his eyes and Lukas stares down at him, wondering what he’s thinking.

“It’s strange,” Philip says. “With all this happening, I was thinking and I, well—I don’t think I’ve ever told either one of you this, but—I met my dad once. My…my biological dad.”

“What?” Lukas exclaims, his heart already pulsing and speeding up. He exchanges a look with Helen to see if she’s equally as shocked and she is, shaking her head, her brows furrowed. 

“Philip—when—”

“I was little,” he says. “Neither one of us knew. Shit, I—I didn’t even know until a couple years ago, when she told me. We were out, in the park and he came by, it was—complete happenstance. He didn’t connect the dots and she didn’t say anything. I don’t remember much about him, just the vaguest of memories, but the thing I remember most—I, uh, I ran over to her because there was this little crushed flower buried in the sand and I wanted to show her but when I went over there to get her he was there—”

Lukas doesn’t know why panic is rising in his chest but he tries to focus on the way Philip is absentmindedly playing with his fingers, just inches away from the chips bag. 

“He—this is why I remember it,” Philip says, a strange sort of smile on his face, “—he had this bag full of caramel popcorn and he let me have some.” He chews on his lip like he can still taste it. 

“When did she tell you this?” Helen asks. 

“When I started high school,” Philip says, twisting Lukas’s engagement ring back and forth. “But it doesn’t matter,” he says. 

“Philip,” Lukas says, but he doesn’t know what to follow it with, because for once since they got involved he can’t tell what Philip is feeling, what he’s thinking. His face is a mask, like he’s made his peace with this a long time ago. Or like he never cared too much to begin with.

“No it’s like…he’s not my dad,” Philip says, looking back and forth between them both. “He’s not anybody, he doesn’t matter, he’s not—he’s not Gabe.” His voice breaks a little bit on the word and he threads his fingers through Lukas’s. Lukas holds his hand tight, can’t find his voice in his throat.

Philip’s eyes are red and he nods, shifting a little bit. “Gabe, he’s—he’s my real father. In all the ways that count.”

Lukas can’t imagine what Philip is feeling right now. Despite how tumultuous his relationship with his dad has always been, if anything like this was happening to him Lukas would probably be losing his mind. 

“You should tell him that,” Helen says, and Lukas can see her rubbing Philip’s ankle. 

“I have,” Philip says, quickly eating an apple chip. “Just, maybe—not in those words.”

“Those words are nice,” Helen says, and there’s so much emotion on her face that Lukas has to look away. “He’d—he’d love to hear that, Philip.”

Lukas reaches down with his free hand and combs his fingers through Philip’s hair. His heart fucking constricts, everything narrowing down to this feeling. This tether, to the world. To everything he’s feeling. To him.

“Okay,” Philip says, eating another chip and clutching at Lukas’s hand. “I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”

~  
~

Eventually Helen falls asleep on the other couch and Philip lets Lukas take him outside, finding a bench in the back courtyard. There are a few people in wheelchairs being pushed around, two little girls in white dresses kneeling down next to the lake, trying to tempt the ducks into swimming closer. There are sunflowers growing around the edges of the water, swaying in the breeze.

Every moment that passes by feels like a goddamn eternity, like this day and these long hours are stretching into weeks, months, years. Philip is leaning on Lukas and half zoning out. He’d fallen into a Wikipedia spiral earlier and he knows what’s going on could literally be fucking anything, could result in weeks in the hospital and other complications and near death—

“Hey,” Lukas says, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “That cloud looks like Izzy.”

Philip laughs, looking up at the sky. “It looks like a random dog,” he says, and that’s being nice.

“It looks exactly like our dog,” Lukas says, kissing Philip’s forehead. “Our little, nerdy, lunatic of a dog.”

Philip shakes his head. “I’m surprised she hasn’t driven your dad insane yet.”

“He said he was trying to send me a picture but she was running too fast and didn’t get in the frame,” Lukas says, laughing. 

Philip smiles, his heart warming a little when he thinks of her. He drums his hand on his knee and looks up at the building. They can see Gabe’s window from here, and Philip wonders if he’ll get to go back to the room after surgery or if he’ll have to stay in the ICU. He sighs, looking back at Lukas. “What if this results in like—a long stay here?”

“We’ll do whatever you want,” Lukas says, without hesitation. 

“Lukas, you can’t hang here for very long,” Philip says, leaning into him a little bit more. “The whole point of you taking the summer classes was so you could graduate on time with me. You can’t keep missing them.”

Lukas clicks his tongue and obviously doesn’t have an answer. “Well, if you’re staying here I’m staying with you.”

Philip sighs. “I’m not—we can just come back on weekends.”

“We don’t have to rent a car and bring Izzy every time,” Lukas says.

“No, we can—we can leave her with Nathan or Angela. Bring her sometimes.”

“Yeah. We’ll be back here as much as we can,” Lukas says, rubbing the back of Philip’s neck. “Even if he doesn’t have to stay here, even if he can go home soon, we’ll still come back a bunch.”

Philip nods, sighing again. He wishes they knew already. He turns into Lukas’s arms and nuzzles into his neck, eager to be close. He shuts his eyes, feels Lukas’s arms wrapping around him. “I’m sorry I hadn’t told you that story before,” he mutters. “I saw your face, I know it probably like—freaked you out, that I hadn’t said it before.”

“No, I—I was just startled,” Lukas says, rubbing Philip’s back. “I just—wasn’t expecting it.”

“I don’t know why I was thinking about it,” Philip says. “I guess because—that guy never meant anything, while Gabe means everything.”

“Yeah,” Lukas says. “I get it. I do.”

Lukas knows most everything about him, but there are a few small things like that buried and locked away. Philip isn’t exactly keeping them a secret, he just doesn’t necessarily want to talk about them when their usual days are pretty damn happy. The past is the past. It isn’t important now. 

“Hey,” Lukas says. “Helen’s coming our way.”

Philip pulls back fast and opens his eyes, getting to his feet when Lukas does. He sees her walking out of the building and she’s moving quickly, but he can’t read the expression on her face. His heart is beating outrageously fast but he thinks that she’d look different if something horrible had happened. He doesn’t want to think about what that would look like.

“What is it?” Philip asks, the two of them approaching her. 

“He has, uh, peritonitis,” she says, nodding. “An infection, I guess it happens sometimes in this situation and it was uh—it was bad, but they caught it early. The appendix was the source of the infection and apparently they were too focused on getting out it, because it had ruptured, that they didn’t pick up on the peritonitis—don’t even get me started.” Philip can see the anger and resentment boiling under the surface as she sets her jaw. _Negligence._

“But he’s—he’s okay?” Lukas asks. 

“They had to deal with the blocked bowels too, which were probably a direct result of the surgery.” She swallows hard, closing her eyes, and Philip hasn’t seen her look so tired in a while. “They were nice enough to tell me how close it could have come—”

Philip feels dizzy, holding onto Lukas’s arm. 

“—and it’s gonna be a bit, until everything is back to normal,” Helen says, meeting their eyes. “He’s gotta be here for a while to go on this antibiotics regiment to fully recover, lots of bedrest, they need to monitor him. It was a good goddamn thing they didn’t send him home because it would have just gotten worse.”

“Can we see him?” Philip asks. 

“He’s sleeping now,” Helen says. “But we can go up.”

~

The air of worry that was hanging amongst them is gone now, though things still fucking suck. The doctors are aware of the situation, they’re taking care of it, they’re finally paying attention to what the hell is going on. The whole thing makes Philip even more wary of hospitals and how easily things can go wrong, and he just thanks God Helen was on them and they finally had to listen. He tries to imagine what it would have been like had they sent him home. He doesn’t like that they told Helen how close it could have come, doesn’t like that they were even mentioning death to her when they were the ones pushing it in that direction by not listening to their patient.

It’s gonna be a pain in the ass to recover from, all of this shit. Philip sits there and listens to the doctor talking to Helen and his head nearly spins. But Gabe is gonna be okay. In the end, he’s gonna be fine. He’s strong, he’s capable, Philip knows he’ll get back to exactly how he was before any of this happened.

Philip can’t even entertain the notion of anything else. 

It’s around eleven at night when Philip sees Gabe stirring. He looks across the room—both Helen and Lukas are sleeping on the couch they’d dragged in here, their heads together. Philip scoots closer to the bed, reaching out and holding Gabe’s hand. 

Gabe’s brows knit together for a second before he breathes out a sigh. He turns slightly, and meets Philip’s eyes. His heart monitor speeds up a little bit, and Philip glances up at it and the IV drip. He hates that Gabe has to go through all of this. 

“Hey,” Philip says, looking back at him.

“Hey kid,” Gabe rasps, very quiet. “Sorry about—”

“Stop apologizing,” Philip says, smiling. He wants to make him feel better, wants to fucking fix this. He wets his lips and remembers what they were talking about earlier. “Listen, uh—I don’t wanna keep you awake for too long, you need lots of rest to start getting your strength back—”

“Infection?” Gabe asks.

“Yeah,” Philip says, nodding. He doesn’t know how to explain it, and he knows he probably needs to listen more when the doctor talks about it so he knows exactly what’s going on. 

Gabe nods, closing his eyes. “Just like—she said.”

“You’re gonna be okay,” Philip says, feeling Gabe squeeze his hand. “And I just—I wanted to tell you, because we were all getting emotional about you earlier—”

Gabe smiles, shaking his head. 

“But, uh—you’re—you’re my father, Gabe,” Philip says, his eyes filling with tears. “You’re the influence in my life, you’re—you’re the person that’s stood by me and taken care of me and I’m so, so grateful that you’re my dad. I’m so, so—I don’t know what my life would be like had you and Helen not taken me in and just—thank you. Thank you.” He bends down, bracing his forehead on the bed, drawing in a wavering breath.

He feels Gabe extract his hand from Philip’s and reach up, brushing it over the back of his head. “Love you, kid,” Gabe says. “Love you so—so much. You’re our son. Best thing to—ever happen to us.”

Philip looks up, the idea presenting itself in his head, shining and perfect and something that Lukas will absolutely agree to. He doesn’t think he’s ever had a better idea. “I want—I wanna ask you if you’ll—if you’ll officiate our wedding.” He knows Gabe will be back on his feet by then. Which makes him realize. He doesn’t know when _then_ is. They haven’t really talked about it, not for real. 

But whenever it is, he knows Gabe will be better by then. 

A smile spreads across Gabe’s face, his eyes twinkling. “Of course,” he says. “Philip—of course I will.”

Philip grins back, leaning back down and resting his head on Gabe’s shoulder. 

“You—you sure you want—me?” Philip hears Gabe ask.

“Yes,” Philip says, remembering how they wanted him at their vow renewal. It’s perfect. 

“I’m there, kid,” Gabe says. “I’d be honored.”

Philip can’t wait to tell Lukas. And he can’t wait for Gabe to get better. He knows it’s gonna be difficult, it’s gonna be hard, but he plans to be here as much as they possibly can.


End file.
